Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
