so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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