If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
