Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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