Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You've changed since you got that strap on
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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