Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
