found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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