She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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