I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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