your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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