So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
