Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
