I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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