i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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