I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
