One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
