i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
