In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
