Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
