their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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