period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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