why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
