$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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