Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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