she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
