It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
