you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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