totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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