anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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