we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
