my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
