How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
