I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
