That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
