Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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