I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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