Plan B is the new Plan A
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
