What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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