Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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