i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
