he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize