Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
