Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
