took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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