The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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