Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
