need another drink. this is the easiest way
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
