Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize