So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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