Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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