my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
