I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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