I must be too annoying 4 u.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
