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• (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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• (214): View more from Texas

  bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.

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