our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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