I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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