I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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