he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
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