i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
