I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
