I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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