At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
