i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
